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Previous responses have been right-on. I’ll just add my two cents…

Techs and musicians have a different focus. Musicians focus primarily on how the band, and themselves in particular, sound, and they may be looking for specific sound parameters. The tech is focused on this, too, but he’s also more concerned with things like feedback and mic “noise” – handling thumps and proximity effect, e.g. So the channel EQ the tech uses will likely be somewhat different from what the musician might use. After all, you may not have heard how the musician sounds, particularly vocalists, who has his/her own preference as to how his/her instrument (vocal or otherwise) should sound.

In addition, a vocalist often uses a preferred mic and is used to having the EQ set in a particular way, either from live performance or studio work. This has to be given some consideration. Take the advice given by others here – use output PEQ (and GEQ, secondarily, if needed) to EQ the room/speaker interaction. Then set channel EQ initially based on your experience with the mics in use or other factors.

One more factor is that some techs either have hearing issues or lack of music exposure that can limit their perception. You know the situation in your case, but don’t divorce yourself from your own perception limitations. It’s also equally possible that the performer, because of years of exposure to very loud music, has some hearing issues. It’s impossible to evaluate that issue. Give them what they want in their monitors, while minimizing the level as much as possible, while you focus on the FOH sound.

With professional performers, you must give them their due. Many times, they have very strong personal preferences, and this should be respected. However, as has been said, if during the performance you hear something profoundly wrong, such as feedback, you must take proper action.

Don’t get “bent out of shape” when performers, or anyone else for that matter, make “suggestions.” The audience paid to hear them, not you. We all have our opinions and preferences. If you want people to respect yours, you must respect theirs. A disagreement usually isn’t personal, just a conflict in experience and preferences. When in doubt, honor theirs.

But let there be no feedback!